PROMISE
Happiness lingers at long last
The Sun is golden in the Sky....
I've come so far from death filled days
So long long ago.
And when I new look back, I see
The same enchanted smile. It lingers yet
Upon my face, and I am glad, glad because I ran....
Ran screaming,...torn and bleeding....
Ignorant and bewildered was I...and I thank Life
That the sound of my fleeing
Did not stop the ringing....Of the Truth within my ears;
Could not stop the singing of Thanksgiving
Thru the fears...now I am here....at last...at last!
Makena Beach, Maui Hawaii c'97 yfr
PUBERTY, c
Is Woman like a butterfly...that from,
Some dark cacoon has come to rest...
Upon a wild flower in the meadow,
And with golden tresses in the Wind....
She sings a song of wings. Wind...!
Do you not hear her screams
As You send her speeding toward a sea
Of thorns and weeds. Wind! do You not hear....
The restless beating of her wings----or the echoing...
Of her silent thoughts.....Wind!....
Oh restless Breath of Life,
Your endless Rhythms churn us in Your Tides;
Is our pathetic drama Your Delight?
Is this some joke You have designed. The Truth do not deny..
What is this awesome spectacle about... Oh Wind!.....
What is this dream???? What is this Life.....
The INDIVIDUAL
"RESURRECTION"
I am in the dream returning
Wind blown and bland
A broken bottle on the sand
So many times not know
That I AM....asleep....dreaming
Until I feel the rhythm of the Sea
Move...as the Life that lives in me.
Until my sleep is wakened evermore...
Until my form is bursting with unbroken melody...
Until I AM a brilliant and vast chasm...
of the Sun...once more.
"CONCEPTION"
How have I come from whence I came,
To be here, in this strange place.
Where can I go and what will I know....
of this mystery?
What is a hand that can't understand, and
What are my feet, if they do not meet...
My soul.....insearching....
" BIRTH"
So here I am, with reaching arms into the Sun,
My first breath, my thousandth death....
Caught between the tides of pride, I cry.
From Truth, I can no longer hide.
Alas! The Just One knows....
His is the measure of mercy I seek;
In His Talons I abide.
I come then... hungry, to the bosom of Time.
I have to put aside pretending,
I cannot escape this yearning...
To Love...and to be...Loved!
"CHILDHOOD"
As the drying carcass
Bears it's teeth into the sand,
I too, bear mine into your heart...
And beg, to be more part of you.
As the dried carcass shatters into dust,
So would the image of myself,
Whilst in my heart, bees flutter 'round
Spring Flowers, like unrozined violins....
Why are there so many walls...so many
That you just can't let me in?!
"PUBERTY" a
Tired, I fall in the arms of the grass.
My grief limps away, far.....without me....
I can no longer hear the mourning bird,
For she has taken her feathers, and
Placed them in the earth, beside me.
I can no longer feel the pulsing of the Earth...
In this stillness of repose...I muse, "that night...
Is followed still by day...and Death...by Life".
I was facing the sea when the sky changed.
I never had time to say "I want to live!"
.....in this looking glass!
Now here I am...a hostage...in a world of reflections.
Here I am alone......ungroomed, unbloomed....unsoothed.
Should I be brave? Could I have faith.
Where is the grace....I knew was coming.....?
Where is the place from which I'm coming.
Am I returning...or am I going...
Who can show me the way to 'here'...
When all I remember is being....'there'.
Puberty, b
Is it true mankind is borne
With bits and blinders for his traits?
How few that dare to see beyond
Or try at least a different gait.
Be not afraid to wonder about thirst or death
But whilst we live, let all excite us to explore this life,
And put no chains on things we do not know,
Lest for one moment we should want to rest
And be we cursed forever without love for quest.
So off I into the morning of this youth choose go,
Whilst bees tll flowers of what honey they shall never know...
The sound of unrozened violins dost fill the air...and
The broken melody of Life...is everywhere.
Life, 1a
Now yon, I see the mother of young children weep,
And looking into clouds, she dries her eyes
With leaves that fallen from the trees,
Have mingled in her lap of thighs and knees.
How's come this creature of our time to tears...and
Wretching , grasps the bosom o'er her heart, and
Screams her rotten rage into the air!.....
Whilst all about her children hear, and swear they'll never wed,
For it is but the desperate fragile plight of all who dare...and
Puts an end to love, and lights the fire of fear!
Children running off into the bushes to find love....
They find a whispering forest in another tongue
And silence all their echos, and lead themselves.....
To ignorance.
***************************************
Please take me night, let me recline
In Thy deep folded arms, that I may henceforth never know,
The emptiness of a pitcher that has spilled,
Into a cup that cannot be filled....all of it's sweet milk!
Life, 1b
Caressing my spine in crowded alleys,
I see it beconing, passing...and yet,
I cannot see it's face.
I hear the distant rumbling in the rushing rain....
It falls upon my temples, playing themes....
Gently urging.....it holds my hand! In cities....
It places wild flowers (tempting me), beneath my nostrils...
And I breathe freedom, and hold briefly, it'a Hand....
But soon wake, while cities 'round me cry for sleep.
Like a drop of the sweetest honey, the Caller drops it's spit
Into my ear, whetting my maiden heart.
Gently urging....It holds my hand.....
I PLACE MY PALMS ACROSS ITS THROBBING LIPS.... and
Yet it's Voice seems carried into clouds. I visit parks where
Trees and flowers live; I sit upon a bench an read.
Then soon... afar, I HEAR ITS BREATH...nearer...
EVERY MOMENT NEARER...it rustles now
The leaves upon the grass...and comes full, beside me...sits.
Gently urging,...IT TAKES MY HAND! I rush away
Into the city's tombstones, eight hundred and sixteen steps
High. Now in my room....the church outside my window....
The hidden garden in sweet bloom...
The early Autumn....CALLING ME! I close my eyes...
I cover my ears. I try to think of being HERE.....but
In the darkness I succumb. In the darkness reach to Kiss....
With eager lips that part to let the unseen conqueror in.
It enters me. Makes me it's lover with a silent thought.
A tongue so sweet, a need so deep....I cannot sleep......
I need.....I NEED...It moves in me, rushes like a waterfall
Into my belly with a refreshing splash recalling me.
It snakes thru every stream and comes....soaked.....
Into my heart. Gently urging...it holds my hand...and
I hunger, and I scream, into the morning of my vagrant dreams....
I WILL FOLLOW YOU!
"LIFE, 1c"
How now I've come this forked road, where I must choose, and end dilemma?
So I set my bags beside me here, and urge my instinct to discover.....
Which of these roads is better. Now to the right, I see but vaguely,
Chimneys smoking, in skies hazy, women beating hooked rugs,
Children picking wild daisies.....Oxen straining in a team....ahhhhh,
Surely, this is part of me!
To the left, one purple mountain, dents the clusters of a cloud....
Tiny whispers from the branches, trees dressed in taffeta.....
The trembling feet of water, that soak the soil down....
An underneath the foilage, red clay breasts and bellies sprawled....ahhh.
Surely, this too is part of me!
Would one be wise, to never rize, to never sleep, to never weep...
To never die, or find one's Self inside....the cavern of her mother's womb.
Guardian of Life Eternal, please be kind, and beat down not so hard
Upon the fabric of my silken soul. And now, back to the task I set:
Ah well....I'll choose the left....., and if I someday here return,
I'll try the other road perhaps and see what more there's then to learn.....and if I,
Someday here return...if unfulfilled, I come and yearn....
To know another side of life.....I trust my candle will not all be burned!
" LIFE, 2"
Our hands had torn up the grass from the earth, and dug in that place, and softened the soil.
The seeds that fell from our hands, fell in well....and the waters we cast, washed away
The soft shells, and Life began to form. Life spread forth two leaves, and a stem.
The sun pressed a shimmering warmth throughout them, and they lived....and they grew....
While we stood in the daze, and longed.....for the flower...to bud. Time passed,
Day into night, and....water rushed from the rocks to the sea....for the mountain was tall and
It's forests were deep.....so the water rushed and ran to the sea....and the sea,
With welcoming arms did abide, on the shore of the land. Great was the tide..
Of the whispering sea! Our seeds grew strong, and wild were those days,
When we broke the ground for a bamboo house, But the sky fortold of a coming day,
When the wind would tear our hearts apart.....and the rain, would wash the blood away.
The rain began when the corn was tall, and pumpkins bloomed on the banks
Of the stream; and you and I would sit in the daze, speaking of many wonderful things...
Into the lingering light of night....while you created me. The nights took me up
To the fields on the hill, where I slept in the grass, and the rain..and the Moon; and
The Stars must have touched me.....alone in that room...for I felt myself stirring....
Though I did not move. Soon rain began to fill the day, and lo....the field wherein I lay,
Was changed, into a strange strong hum. of rumbling sounds.....and heavy clouds, and
I laid still.....for I heard.......the Wind!
Days there were...I stood in the rain....naked and hot and half insane.
Days there were....when I crept wet, into the house, and slept and slept.
But the rain was there when I awoke, and rained and roared, and broke....my ecstacy!
The stream had been a gurgling friend, that bent and wound without an end
Throughout our love. But now,, the rain dAnCeD on her (she was swiftly moving),
DaNcEd and would not cease! and she rushed, as if to flee the rain...out to the sea....and
It rained and RAINED...'til it blinded me...and the stream SCREAMED over her banks....
When I arose, I could not speak, and I stood on the porch....still from my sleep, and
Did not believe that it could be...for it was as thought some mighty hand
Had come through the rain, and broken the land...and the stream had carried... so much away....
What was left, was a gnarled mess, of broken trees and screaming dreams, lost in the air.....
For the sound of the rain still echoed yet....and I looked across from where I stood,
To what remained of the gardens, but they were gone! for the earth was drunk and broken lay.....
Where once we'd spent....the greatest days of LOVE.
"LIFE 3"
So what does it matter if a bird sings, in pure delight and with it's wings
Descends into an emerald meadow in a burst of sun,
If the one outcome of Life....is Death!
Give up to it oh yes, to the beauty of Life's passing unrestraianed,
But it saddens me to think the mold will break....and lose to me
Some individual I hope to save. Oh rain beat har upon my open breast
That Truth, a little seed mmight grow...That I would come to understand....
That I would know...all things return from whence they came.
Life is but a merry-go-round game. Would that I were joyful of that fact;
That Time marching on brings all things back.
To let it go, to grow...to be...is still the hardest thing for me.
Though stars fade quietly within the night before,
The madness of me reaching for them in the dark.... is evermore....
Though it has now become....the reaching...for the Sun!
"INDECISION"
I walked along a dusty road in June, for miles, the sideways blushed with fruit.
Trees heavy longing for repose, yet there were, July and August moons to come.
I walked, straight into the horizon yet it never came....so close, that
I could touch the flowered Sun....nor did I sink in clouds of amber flame....
For June has roads that fork the mind. My sandals had been worn and long discarded.
The blisters on my heels, were dried and hard. The dust had burned into my nails....
I wept for Autumn....before.....behind me.....many miles.
The road seemed freshly cut, yet many footprints, some bare as mine
While others pressed by shoes.....had seen the same eclipsing of the Sun
That never set and blackly shone, pulling one dryly down this dusty road.
One rock cast to the side was tempting, so I took from my task and did recline.
Then shortly did my senses sink to feigning....and thus did the rock imply:
"Were I an apple free from thought, sole to preserve myself from rot...
I'd blossom in the crudest of all forms, while my leaves and body trembled
Torn with worms....while yet I clung..... to live. Were I an ocean giving life,
To crusts of coral and the like, I'd ram my breasts and chisel foam...and
Set the boats adrifting from their homes, while I sifted the remains of Sun."
I marveled at this whispering in my ears...I trembled from my innards, 'til my soul
Spread raw...and after thinnking of my early years...I hastened into air my own remark:
"Were I a child again, with feathered pillow, soft beneath my light and drifting hallow...
With only thoughts of pettycoats and dolls..soundless voices, endless calling....
Knowing nothing of tomorrow....Am I not only seeking?...other worlds so fragile
When in blinking.....they crumble in my arms of make-believe, and I am left from Wind...
Flesh in a heap....while yet I ponder, new methods to exits of relief.."
While thus I sat,, there came from dusk, a little bell. that only dreamers hear....
Without a hand to swing it yet it rung, and urged me rize and journey near.
But e'er before I rose, Time took it's minutes, and pressed a gentle breeze into the eve.....and
I sat pondering again...the Sun still beckoning my leave...so passed the minutes and the hours.
I hungered those I never rose...I tried to sleep but always fantasies, came
Dancing on the scent of air that pushed me back, upon the rock, and left me....unaware.
The whole of June did leave me thus; July parched the skin around my lips. In August
I shelled the jewels of my soul....I seemed a snakeskin quivering in September's gentle wind.
Thus did I rest, while bits of me were taken.....by October in the air, and dusted back...
Upon the footprints on the bleak horizon, and in complete decay....I folded flat....
Until my skull was molded, firm into that rock.....meant only for an hour's leisure.
"MATURITY"
Out of the darkness of the desert night, stars sing, way beyond the moon....
I cannot hear their lyrics, though I seem to quiver, in the rhythm of the ringing...
In the singing of the darkness of the desert night.
All the years I cried in anguished pain, already dead, but living just the same..
Confused by alienation and injuries sustained....withholding love so long....it turned to rage!
All the years I strayed, stayed behind, shivering and afraid. All the years I could have smiled
My lips to bursting, had I, with peasure accepted what was real and renewed by understanding,
Let my heart so full of lovingness reveal, the way to show that love.
Had I known how to open every pore,....and let me flow back into what would never change
From being you or me...could I have known what joy this night would bring, and though
So close to giving up all hope, at last accepting my own need.....to grow!
I sit now, upon this ancient rock, forgotten by the world, and feel so whole,
So full of bliss...so free; Was it always waiting here for me?
I can say now, that should my bones be bleached beneath the Sun, and the last bit of flesh
No longer clinging to my skull...when all the entrances and exits that are made of clay....
Are longed picked separate from their cavities....this skeleton is least of all when one craves Life,
For Life....the lover of our Soul, alone knows from whence it came and where it goes.
Where does it go? "Tis not I who knows.
So bury me beside a desert butte, and wrap me in old garments that have known my flesh.
Allow me one last pleasure for my wasting pride, that I be loved....for all the things I tried,
If but in vain, and lay me prayerfully upon a palette high where I can touch again the blessed sky,...
Let the beasts of air gather there feasting , so eager to relieve their hunger and the
Burden of these bones, this flesh was keeping, to this unforgiving hour of reaping,
As I face the Ancient Wise. We see ancestors blood has dried. Has left it's color in the rocks
For all of time; But Time leaves this Individual....ALIVE...
Within the Guardian's Sanctuary...abiding.
"DEATH"
While I lay, deep in the meadow, listening to the gentle stirrings...
I overheard a song so sweet, as if someone were weeping.
I bent my ear ito the air, and did not breathe so I could hear...
The last petal of a flower, singing softly to the earth:
"I have sprung where from I rose, with leaves and petals...and my toes
Sunk in the meadow. I have watched the summer changing,
From a youth to someone aging, and though I did not know the meaning....
I willingly partook of Life. Long have I lived here in the meadow
Long have I wished my feet were free. Glad though I am, to be a flower....
I feel no need for lingering. For in this long last day, I feel returning....
To some great Seed, that once, encompassed me!"
